Why do people nowadays hate other people coming to their homes as 'guests'?
I don't like to go to other people's house as a guest, and I hate other people's house as a guest.
This feeling has appeared since I was very young.
Until now, I am married and have my own children, but I still cannot bear the messy family atmosphere.
I think that visiting someone’s house as a guest is a kind of disturbance to others; even if someone warmly invites me, I feel uncomfortable in every way, restless in the host’s house, and want to escape when I find an opportunity.
And when other people come to my house as guests, except for close relatives and a few close friends, I don't want them to come.
I would rather invite them to the office for tea and chat than to "invite them home".
In my opinion, being a guest is a kind of disturbance to each other, and it may turn into a "disaster".
Why do you say that when a guest comes to your house as a guest, it will turn into a disaster?
This brings me to an experience.
I went back to my hometown and lived with my parents for a while.
A camera, a few books from others, and a suitcase.
When I was out, there were guests at my parents' house.
Then, the guests also brought 2 "bear children".
Bad manners, bad manners, mischievous.
Without my permission, broke my camera and tore up some of the books I brought with me.
The loss is nothing, but their behavior makes me very angry.
It stands to reason that if a child makes a mistake, shouldn't parents apologize for the child?
Even if you don't ask for compensation, at least you have to express your apologies.
What's more, I don't know you very well, relatives who have no relationship with each other for many years, and I haven't contacted you for many years.
This feeling is like: being forced to receive guests.
Empathy:
Even if I take my child to someone else's house as a guest, I will never let my child touch the things of the host's house at will. Even if I have permission, I can only watch and fiddle with them.
This is the most basic respect for others.
Anyone can say polite words, but also observe the mood and expression of the host to see if they really want you to visit or play with.
I love books, so I don't like others to rummage in my study;
Some people love fishing and don't want to be disturbed while fishing;
Some people love to play games, and they don't want strangers to visit their game room.
These are all the same.
Respect and understanding are the courtesy we should have towards others.
There is a question on Zhihu: "Why are people nowadays less and less fond of visiting relatives, and don't like other people visiting their homes?"
One of the responses stood out to me.
A netizen said:
They are a family of three, living in a 60-square-meter room.
One bedroom and one living room, his wife and daughter live in the room, and he sleeps on the sofa in the living room.
In this way, the family persisted for many years, planning to wait for their daughter to grow up and save money to buy a bigger house.
As for their family, the most fearful thing is that others say they want to visit his house.
In such a small space, the three of them live in a cramped and crowded place; if a few guests come randomly, the living room can't even sit down.
In fact, there are reasons why people nowadays dislike other people visiting their homes less and less.
1. When other people come to be guests, it will make the space crowded and make people feel irritable
for example:
When you live in an old house with a yard in the countryside, no matter how many guests come to your house, you will not feel crowded or irritable.
There are so many people, there is no room to sit down, so we set up a few tables. Everyone cooks, drinks, and chats together in the yard.
The degree of participation is high, everyone can do it together, saving time and effort, and it can also enhance the relationship.
But now many people live in communities, their homes are small, and their living rooms are also small.
When there are many people, it will give you a kind of "offended, squeezed" pressure.
The small space can also easily cause you to become irritable.
2. I don’t like the feeling that my personal space is invaded
People who are alone hate being disturbed by others;
People who like quiet, least like other people's noisy and noisy environment.
People who like to stay at home don't like to go out to socialize, let alone go to crowded places.
In the same way, if you live alone for a long time and enjoy the life of several people in a "small family" more, you hate this stable life being invaded by outsiders.
This reminds me of a comment from a reader:
He said that he had worked and lived in other places for many years, and when he returned home to live with his parents, he felt a strong sense of discomfort.
On the one hand, there is a sense of guilt, and on the other hand, there is real psychological and physical resistance.
In the struggle and contradiction, he became more and more painful.
It is the same reason that you don't like other people to come to your house as guests.
The sense of boundary is invaded, which will only make you irritable.
3. Guests who have no sense of proportion are distressing
Like the experience I mentioned above.
If someone visiting your house is rude, rummaging through your personal belongings, and wandering through every room of yours, don't you feel ashamed to say anything.
They have no sense of proportion, and you can't open your mouth to reject them. In the end, you are the only one who suffers.
There is another situation:
A group of people come to your house to eat and drink, they pat their buttocks and leave, leaving the house in a mess.
You'll be packing up late, and the whole day is wasted.
A sense of proportion is applicable in any relationship.
Today's topic:
Do you like people visiting your home?
(The source network of the article with pictures)